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If you are preparing to grow your family with the help of a surrogate mother, your mind is undoubtedly swirling with questions about the surrogacy process, costs, expectations, emotions, and so much more. You are probably imagining the day of your child’s birth over and over again. But what happens after that? Will your surrogate mother remain a part of your life?  Each couple reaches this decision differently, and there is no single correct answer. It’s always helpful to take time to plan this out and consider your wishes regarding communication with your surrogate mother after birth.

Settle on Your Comfort Zone

The level of comfort that you have communicating with your surrogate mother after birth will be largely influenced by your relationship with your surrogate throughout the pregnancy. Some intended parents bond closely with their surrogate and hope to keep her as a close friend in years to come, while other intended parents respect and appreciate their surrogate but do not experience such a close connection. As the birth of your child approaches, stop to think about the relationship that you have with your surrogate and how you hope that relationship evolves after the birth of your child.

Communicate Directly, Even About Not Communicating

Communication is the core component of every surrogacy, and that applies to communicating about communication as well. Once you determine what boundaries you hope to set after the birth, be open, honest, and tactful about those expectations with your surrogate. Communicate your wishes clearly and respectfully. Some intended parents prefer to send pictures and updates via text message a few times, some invite their surrogate over for weekly dinners, and others prefer to say goodbye in the hospital. There is no right or wrong solution, as long as you help your surrogate prepare for those boundaries and expectations ahead of time.

Remember That Your Agency Can Help

Remember that you are working with a surrogacy agency like Open Arms for a reason! The experts at Open Arms Surrogacy and Egg Donation have supported hundreds of successful surrogacies and are there to help you through whatever obstacles you face during your surrogacy process. Don’t hesitate to ask for support as you plan the details of communication with your surrogate mother after birth.


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