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As in any relationship, the connection between a surrogate mother and intended parents can take many forms. While some become life-long friends and even take joint family vacations, some stay in contact mainly on important occasions, and others part ways after the birth and move on with their individual lives. There is no right or wrong type of relationship, and there is also no way to predict how the relationship will flourish over the span of the surrogacy.

However, it can’t be denied that the quality of the relationship between the surrogate mother and intended parents is very important. There are certain strategies and techniques which can help build a positive connection to last the length of the surrogacy and beyond.

Embrace Communication

Whether you are the surrogate mother or one of the intended parents in a surrogacy arrangement, being open and honest about your needs and expectations is critical. You might be a person who seeks regular interactions regarding the pregnancy, or you might crave a bit more privacy. There’s no right or wrong, but it’s important the other people involved in the surrogacy are in-tune with your wishes.

Get Together

As you work with an agency to arrange your surrogacy process, it will be suggested that the surrogate mother and intended parents meet to get to know each other and connect on a more interactive level. As long as travel complications don’t restrict it, meet up more than once! Cultivating a true person-to-person relationship will help all members of the surrogacy feel more connected with each other, which in turn will build trust. Trust is the most crucial element to a successful surrogacy; by all means, grab dinner and a movie, go for a hike, and enjoy the time.

Have True Empathy

If you are a surrogate mother, keep in mind that your intended parents have most likely experienced infertility heartbreak in the past and are pulling their financial resources in an effort to grow their family. The intended parents might be nervous and anxious, but for good reason. Try to keep their perspective in your head in order to make decisions that will help ease their fears.

If you are an intended parent, remember that your surrogate mother is giving her body and time to help you have a child. She has been screened in every capacity to ensure that she is a safe, healthy, and reliable individual, and she wants what is best for your family. While it’s challenging not to be in physical control of the pregnancy, remember that your surrogate mother is perfectly qualified to keep your baby safe.

These few tips and tricks can help the relationship grow between surrogates and intended parents, allowing those nine months to fly by and perhaps even forming a lifelong friendship.


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