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The first in-person
meeting between intended parents and a surrogate mother is the ultimate experience.
Even though you will have already had several meetings via video conference,
email and other technology, your emotions will surge from anxious to elated and
everywhere in between.  So how should you
prepare your emotions? Is it possible to set your expectations a bit too high?
And what are the best ways to break the ice and truly get to know the person-
or people- that will play such a vital role in the next year or two of your

Preparing Yourself Emotionally
If you’ve gotten to the
point where you are meeting in-person, you have already agreed to work
together, so the very difficult work is already over.  Remember that you’re not meeting strangers,
but rather acquaintances with the same goal of nurturing a beautiful and
healthy child.

More than anything,
remember that this first live conversation is not meant to hammer out every
single detail of a potential surrogacy – you’ve done most of that already. It’s
more important to bond as people and find areas of connection. Maybe both
husbands love the same sports team, or the intended mother and surrogate mother
have the same type of career. While this conversation will eventually steer
toward surrogacy topics, don’t become so stressed out about detail-oriented questions
that you overlook your surrogate mother or intended parents as people.

Meeting in-person is
never the same as meeting on a video or phone call. Just like a date, it’s easy
to enter the meeting with sky-high expectations of the perfect conversation
that leads to an unbreakable bond. Be fair to yourself and your match by
setting realistic expectations of the first meeting. It could very well be
magical, but it’s also okay if there are a few awkward pauses or moments of
anxiety – especially without technology to separate you.

When you first meet your
surrogate mother or intended parents in-person, don’t be afraid to share a hug
and a hand shake. You’ve already spoken several times, so you should have a lot
of information to draw on for casual conversation. Remember, again, you have
already completed the matching process and your contracts are underway, if not
finished. It’s natural to be nervous; chances are your match will agree and
sharing anxieties is quite an effective icebreaker!
You don’t need to have a
list of questions prepared for your first in-person meeting. Be prepared to
connect on a new level as human beings embarking on an incredible adventure
together. Speak as you would if you were getting to know a new friend – because
you are!
It’s okay to be curious
and ask questions, especially about things outside of surrogacy. How do they
spend their free time? What are their families and other children like? This
conversation isn’t a screening, just a way to begin strengthening your bond as
you prepare for the next year or two of your life together!


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