In the powerful process of surrogacy, the surrogate mother and intended
parents play vital roles in bringing a new child into the world. The
relationship between the surrogate mother and intended parents serves as a central
foundation to a successful, rewarding experience.

Any surrogate’s top priority is to deliver a healthy baby for
the intended parents, and every intended parent’s main goal is to support the
surrogate as needed to help bring that healthy newborn into the world. Around
this common goal, a beautiful relationship can flourish between surrogate and intended
parents. Just like in a romantic relationship, communication and empathy are
absolutely essential to help form a solid layer of trust between the surrogate
and intended parents. The rapport established in this relationship is
completely unique, and there is no one best way to form a bond.

A strong relationship serves many purposes. Given that the
surrogate mother’s daily choices ultimately determine the health and safety of
the baby, intended parents can find themselves wanting more control and unintentionally
causing the surrogate unnecessary stress. The communication established through
a strong relationship can solve this problem.

Displays of empathy – for the
physical and emotional changes of the surrogate mother and the anxious, nervous
eagerness of the intended parents– help each person involved feel valued. Furthermore,
it’s been found that a well-balanced, purposeful relationship between surrogate
mothers and intended parents greatly improves the chances of a happy surrogacy
journey in which every person involved feels calm and supported.

There are four keys to building this type of relationship:
trust, communication, boundaries, and flexibility.

Trust. As in any relationship, the core of a successful surrogacy is
trust. While surrogate mothers want to know that the intended parents trust her
to make the right decisions, the intended parents rest easier knowing that the
surrogate values their constructive input and ability to care for the child
after birth.

Communicate. Clear and articulated expectations help keep
everything running smoothly. It’s often very constructive to agree on a
communication schedule.  Such a structure
can ease the intended parent’s worries, since they know an update will arrive
at a specific time, and it will help the surrogate mother feel reassured that
she is providing information in a way that makes the intended parents
comfortable.

Apply Boundaries. While trust and communication are necessary,
so are certain boundaries. Since the intended parents and surrogate mother are
embarking on a very sensitive journey together, it’s always possible for
boundaries to become blurred by good intentions and intensified emotions.
Taking it slow and remaining authentic are the best ways to ensure the
relationship remains beneficial.

Be Flexible. Surrogacy is far from a prescribed process
with no unexpected detours. Every pregnancy progresses differently, and any
twists and turns require gracious flexibility from both parties. The surrogate mother
and the intended parents have full, busy lives outside of the surrogacy
process. A bit of patience and understanding go a very long way!

With just a few simple guidelines, a surrogate mother and the intended
parents can cultivate a robust relationship that serves as a support throughout
the entire surrogacy in order to welcome a beautiful baby to join his or her
eagerly awaiting family.